Does prayer work?

My friends Nicki and Brett had their first child Sunday night. Her name is Camille and, according to Brett, the most beautiful girl he's ever seen. Unfortunately, Camille has a rare blood clotting disorder and she doesn't have enough platelets. Apparently, a normal platelet count is over 100,000 and Camille only has about 18,000. If she were to get cut or bruised, her blood wouldn't clot; instead she wouldn't be able to stop bleeding and would probably die, so she's in NICU right now. She will be getting Nicki's platelets transfused to her, but can't be released until then.

This past Sunday, our pastor at church wrapped up a four-week series on prayer. We covered many questions that people have about prayer--the two that apply to this particular blog are: Does God hear our prayers, and if so, does He answer them? I believe that He always hears our prayers, but I'm not so sure if He always answers. I used to believe that He did always answer, but that it's not always the answer you want to hear. I think you really have to be praying from your heart for Him to actually answer and that you are willing to accept that the answer God gives to your prayer might not be the one you want to receive. Most of us aren't willing to accept that.

Regardless, I will be praying for my friends and their daughter. Not everyone believes in God or prayer, and that's fine. But I do and I know that God has blessed my friends with this beautiful little girl for a reason. So, does God answer our prayers--hopefully, I'll find out real soon.

Finding Calm in Chaos

Work is so chaotic right now. My office has been going through a transition period for almost a year now. The former dean of the UT Law School became president of the University back in January. Over the next few months, several "higher-ups" from my office, Alumni Relations and Development, went with him, as we expected. The Law School had an interim dean through the summer and the new dean took office in September. As with any change in administration, my office has gone through, and continues to go through, an organizational change, which has meant a loss in staff. Frankly, the staff members we've lost should have gone a long time ago, but it's difficult to let someone go when you work for a state institution. That's why people stay for so long.

As a result of the loss, those of us who remain have become overloaded with increased responsibilities and yesterday, I was feeling the weight of everything. I was overly stressed about little things that weren't all that important, but at the time, I could feel the panic setting in. It's not a good feeling.

I left work and went straight to Bodhi for the 5:30 Vinyasa class. All I could think about was finding calm within my chaotic day. And I did just that. I had such a pleasant practice, despite the hot and incredibly humid room. But the best part of my practice came at the end during savasana. It usually is the best part, but for some reason, yesterday's savasana was like drinking a gallon of water after spending days in the desert. I lay there on my mat and absorbed all that I had done for my mind, body, and spirit for the previous 90 minutes. I entered this state of semiconsciousness that I didn't want to come out of. I lay there through the movement around me, through Sean talking, through the class doing their om's and saying namaste, through people getting up and leaving the room. I lay there. And I did not want to get up. It was one of the most complete savasanas I've ever experienced.

When I finally managed to peel myself off the floor, I drove home in awe of how calm and peaceful I felt in spite of my chaotic day. Now, I'm back at work and because of my surroundings, I can feel panic setting in a bit again, but I won't let it get the best of me. Not today, anyway. I just have to remember that very soon I will experience another savasana like I did last night. Until then, I have to try to find calm in my chaos even if I'm not on my mat, which is probably one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.

Kinda down

As the title of this blog implies, my spirits are a little low today. I always get this way after spending several days with my family or friends because each group lives far away. I'll always have just one family, so there's not much I can do about that, but I know what you're thinking--just make new friends! Really, it's not that simple. I've lived in Austin for over five years now, and while I've made friends here and there, I don't have a group of friends like I did in Baton Rouge.

When I first moved to Baton Rouge from my hometown of Monroe, LA back in 2000, I never expected to create such a strong bond with such an amazing group of people. For ten years, I worked in the restaurant industry off and on and, for the most part, it was the same thing at every restaurant that employed me. I'd hang out with people who worked there for a while, then I would leave and lose touch with them or never talk to them again. That didn't happen when I was working at Sullivan's Steakhouse in Baton Rouge. My group of friends already had members, and I was lucky enough to become one of them. Not at first; it took me a while to become close to some of them, like my friend Joanna. But eventually, I became part of a group that has changed my life in so many ways.

I needed the change five years ago when I moved to Austin with my friends Nicki and Brett, who are part of "the gang". Although it made me more sad that I could have ever imagined, it was time to move on for a number of reasons that I won't get into. Angie and Joanna moved to Atlanta, while a few stayed in Baton Rouge. Now, not one member of the gang lives in Baton Rouge, although Nicki and Brett moved back to the area. We live as far east as Asheville and as far west as San Diego, so we plan trips once a year. Our next trip is in May and we're headed back to Florida. Planning it and looking forward to it is half the fun, but man, I need a huge dosage of the gang so badly right now!

I've posted a picture of our first trip two years ago. (The quality isn't great because my scanner sucks!) We rented some cabins in Arkansas and just hung out in the middle of nowhere for three days. It's interesting how people can be so different, yet so close. We have different beliefs, both religious and political, and we are all at different points in our lives. But I think that these are some of the most intelligent, brave, kind, caring, and amazing people I've ever met, each in his or her own way. I hope they know what a difference they've made in my life and that I am all the better for having known them.

Ma Familla

Tuesday morning was an awful morning for me. I opened up my medicine cabinet and shit just started falling out. I broke a really great bottle of OPI nail polish, got glass in my hand, and knocked over the bottle of nail polish remover I was using to get the polish off the bathroom tile. Then, after I had *finally* gotten as much cleaned up as possible, I knocked over my coffee mug as I was about to leave for yoga--all before 6:00 in the morn. I was all whiny and crybaby-like when Cody, who just happened to be off work that day and trying to sleep, came in the kitchen asking if I had a case of the dropsies. I stopped feeling sorry for myself and starting feeling sorry for him when I realized that he was going to try to go back to sleep with the whole house smelling like a nail salon. But he can sleep through a train so I don't think the stench bothered him too much.

Today, my mood is much better. My family is coming in town this weekend and it makes me very happy. My parents will be here tomorrow and then my sister and brother-in-law will be here on Saturday. It makes me sad when I learn that people aren't close to their families, but then I take a step back and remember that not everyone's family is as kick-ass as mine is.

Life or Death

A few weeks ago at church, our pastor Ted was speaking about life and death and what that means for us down here on Earth. He told a story about an experience he had at Boys' State when he was in high school. Ted was running for president of Boys' State and had to give a speech, to which he received his very first standing ovation. Ted was drunk with power. He said that he felt like he could literally rule the world. Since then, he's received seven standing ovations and for Ted, having a huge crowd get on its feet and clap for something that he did or said is the definition of life. He asked what our definitions of life and death were. I'm still thinking about the death part - that could be a number of things for me - but the life part is easy.

My definition of life is recognition. Everyone wants to be recognized in some way or another, but I don't want to be recognized just so that I'm the only one who knows about it. No, that's not enough. I want other people to know it, too. I want my husband to give me credit for everything I do for him and around our house, and I want him to tell people about it. I want my parents to tell their friends how proud they are of me. I want my boss to tell the Dean how great I am with the Law School alums so that I'll get another promotion soon. I even want my yoga teachers to say things like, "That's nice, Angela," in front of the entire class. Oh, and if they ask me to demonstrate a pose, well then, there's no better form of recognition in a yoga class than that!

This last example is ludicrous. It is REEEEE-diculous that I want recognition in my yoga classes. My head knows that my yoga practice is not about, or should not be about, my ego. Or rather, my heart knows that and the message just isn't getting to my head. It's funny how the things I want in life come with me when I get on my mat, no matter how hard I try to leave them outside of that room. I struggle with this, even after almost three years of a regular practice. I guess in the whole scheme of things, that's not that long. I guess, also, that's why they call it a practice.

It's the little things, you know?

I am obsessed with free sweepstakes and I've finally found one that I just might have a shot at winning. Yesterday, I submitted this photo of my dog Phoebe in the "Cutest Dog in Texas" contest at HEB. I have the utmost confidence that she will win by a landslide. Look at that face! I mean, seriously...she's freakin' precious! And if the judges got to actually meet her, well then, no other dog would stand a chance in hell, but unfortunately, they don't. It doesn't matter, though. We'll win a $1,000 HEB gift card, which we can also use at Central Market by the way, plus a year's supply of dog food. AND she might be feautred in an ad for HEB! This is exciting.

I also submitted my parents' dog Sam, who actually lives in Louisiana, but he was born in Texas, so that counts right? The rules don't say the dog has to live in Texas currently, although the title of the contest implies it. I'm not sure what we'll do if he wins because I don't want to be dishonest. This isn't the picture I submitted, but it's a cute one nontheless.

The fact that I am so excited about this contest got me thinking about the little things in life that give me pleasure-my cat lying on my chest and purring, the spoonful of peanut butter I eat when I get up (and before I go to bed), sleeping past 8:00 a.m. on a Saturday (something that never happens anymore), etc. As much as we look forward to big things in life, it's the small things that keep us sane, really. I'm not sure what I would do if peanut butter ceased to exist, but if I lost my job today, sure I'd be sad, but I'd find another one eventually, whereas nothing can replace peanut butter. I'm also not sure if there's a point to any of this. I just really love the little things in life, as I'm sure we all do.

Being challenged

So, I sent my former yoga teacher (& friend) Vanessa a message through myspace thanking her for sharing her blog with me and others. She asked why I wasn't blogging, to which I replied that I was basically afraid of having other people read my writing. What a shitty reason. I'm a pretty confident woman, so what the hell, right? Anyway, Vanessa's response was just to "jump in" and take the risk, which is funny because those who know me well know that I am so not a risk taker. I could list a lot of things in my life that I haven't done yet because they would be too risky, but that's another post. This is my first one and all.

Then Vanessa posts a blog of her own asking those of who don't blog why we don't blog. She listed some reasons as to why blogging is important; I won't list them all here, but in a nutshell, my newly-created blog is going to help bring world peace and get Vanessa a Tiffany's pendant for $200. Now, why would I NOT want to be a part of all that?