Finding Calm in Chaos
Work is so chaotic right now. My office has been going through a transition period for almost a year now. The former dean of the UT Law School became president of the University back in January. Over the next few months, several "higher-ups" from my office, Alumni Relations and Development, went with him, as we expected. The Law School had an interim dean through the summer and the new dean took office in September. As with any change in administration, my office has gone through, and continues to go through, an organizational change, which has meant a loss in staff. Frankly, the staff members we've lost should have gone a long time ago, but it's difficult to let someone go when you work for a state institution. That's why people stay for so long.
As a result of the loss, those of us who remain have become overloaded with increased responsibilities and yesterday, I was feeling the weight of everything. I was overly stressed about little things that weren't all that important, but at the time, I could feel the panic setting in. It's not a good feeling.
I left work and went straight to Bodhi for the 5:30 Vinyasa class. All I could think about was finding calm within my chaotic day. And I did just that. I had such a pleasant practice, despite the hot and incredibly humid room. But the best part of my practice came at the end during savasana. It usually is the best part, but for some reason, yesterday's savasana was like drinking a gallon of water after spending days in the desert. I lay there on my mat and absorbed all that I had done for my mind, body, and spirit for the previous 90 minutes. I entered this state of semiconsciousness that I didn't want to come out of. I lay there through the movement around me, through Sean talking, through the class doing their om's and saying namaste, through people getting up and leaving the room. I lay there. And I did not want to get up. It was one of the most complete savasanas I've ever experienced.
When I finally managed to peel myself off the floor, I drove home in awe of how calm and peaceful I felt in spite of my chaotic day. Now, I'm back at work and because of my surroundings, I can feel panic setting in a bit again, but I won't let it get the best of me. Not today, anyway. I just have to remember that very soon I will experience another savasana like I did last night. Until then, I have to try to find calm in my chaos even if I'm not on my mat, which is probably one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.
As a result of the loss, those of us who remain have become overloaded with increased responsibilities and yesterday, I was feeling the weight of everything. I was overly stressed about little things that weren't all that important, but at the time, I could feel the panic setting in. It's not a good feeling.
I left work and went straight to Bodhi for the 5:30 Vinyasa class. All I could think about was finding calm within my chaotic day. And I did just that. I had such a pleasant practice, despite the hot and incredibly humid room. But the best part of my practice came at the end during savasana. It usually is the best part, but for some reason, yesterday's savasana was like drinking a gallon of water after spending days in the desert. I lay there on my mat and absorbed all that I had done for my mind, body, and spirit for the previous 90 minutes. I entered this state of semiconsciousness that I didn't want to come out of. I lay there through the movement around me, through Sean talking, through the class doing their om's and saying namaste, through people getting up and leaving the room. I lay there. And I did not want to get up. It was one of the most complete savasanas I've ever experienced.
When I finally managed to peel myself off the floor, I drove home in awe of how calm and peaceful I felt in spite of my chaotic day. Now, I'm back at work and because of my surroundings, I can feel panic setting in a bit again, but I won't let it get the best of me. Not today, anyway. I just have to remember that very soon I will experience another savasana like I did last night. Until then, I have to try to find calm in my chaos even if I'm not on my mat, which is probably one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.
posted by Angela at 11:27 AM
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